Archive for May 2010

About Depression and, … other things

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I think I am going to treat this post like a diary and keep adding entries to it. Not a healthy habit, obviously, writing consistently about depression. Still, there is something I call ‘Creative Depression’ . It is the kind that people with some amount of creative ability may indulge in so that they may – well, create.

Sounds ridiculous, maybe, but it is a fact. The depression is real, as are its causes. Nothing is a fantasy – just richer in content than your run of the mill, average depression that simply puts you out of phase and fills you with lethargy.

Look at me: I am typing in the middle of the night because I am creatively depressed. You do NOT have to tell me that this piece of writing isn’t Art. Or very creative. I know that. I also know that I have not written in ages, and if this bit of musing converts into the (virtually) written word, I’ll take it.

In any case, it proves my point… but wait, I am not trying to prove anything here!! I think I’ll rephrase that : In any case, it illustrates my point – Creative Depression is the kind of depression that helps you create. There you have it. Elementary.

This kind of depression is often brought on by cloudy skies, windy afternoons and cloudy skies, and thunderstorms (mixed reaction here: also makes you euphoric sometimes).

The nastiest of all depressions, I find, is the one that kind of hovers between the Creative and the Lethargic. It can go either way, or both ways.

Imagine that it has been hot as hell for days. Imagine that you have prayed for rain. And now it has rained. In drops, then in buckets.

After that there is no rain, just the wetness. The roads are wet or damp. The trees look damp or wet. The sky is dull. When the sun shines, it is hot again but the sky is still dull, and you see the dampness all around.

And, there is no wind. No cool, or even warm summer breeze. There is no movement, just damp vegetation and walls and roads and an after-taste of rain that has been. The weather is cooler than it was, yes, but uncomfortable somehow.

I don’t know about you, but this kind of weather really, really gets me down. Oh – and, please remember this: if you want to get depressed real good, you have to be alone or relatively alone, and preferably with a lot of work . If you are a party animal that spends days and nights in an air  conditioned environment you are not likely to feel anything but a hangover, maybe.

Or so I have been told.

Not being judgmental here. The capacity to feel depressed because of the weather is probably not one of the finer points of being a good human being or even a bad one. You are not any less if you have made arrangements to not allow the weather to affect you.

However, I would personally feel secure knowing that you are aware that there is a weather out there that changes now and then. Why? Because I would feel that my world is real, at least as real as yours is. That stamp of approval is necessary for me these days.

This is not an answer to an examination question, and I am not going to elaborate. This post is just an extended tweet, largely meaningless but for the person who wrote it and some kindred souls that may empathise with it.

I have to see whether I really use this post as a diary.

Written by kapush

May 24, 2010 at 8:47 pm

Posted in musings

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