WHATEVER

I think I am going to keep this entry like a diary. Not a healthy habit, obviously, writing consistently about depression. Still, there is something I have classified as ‘Creative Depression’ . It is the kind that people with some amount of creative ability may indulge in to – well, create. Sounds lame, but it is very real. The depression is real too, as are the reasons that caused it. Nothing is a fantasy – just richer in content than your run of the mill, average depression that simply puts you out of phase and fill you with lethargy. See: I am typing in the middle of the night because I am creatively depressed. You do NOT have to tell me this piece of writing is NOT art. Or very creative. I know that. I also know that I have not written in ages, and if this bit of thought converts into the (virtually) written word then I will take it. In any case, it proves my point – or, actually, I am not trying to prove anything here, so I am going to change that : In any case, it illustrates my point. Creative depression is the kind of depression that helps you create.

This kind of depression is often brought on by clouded sky, windy afternoons plus clouded sky, thunderstorm (mixed reaction: also makes you euphoric sometimes). The nastiest of all, I find,              is the one that kind of hovers between creative and lethargic. It can go either way, or both, one at a time. Imagine that it has been hot as hell for days. Imagine that you have prayed for rain. And now it has rained. In drops, then in buckets. After that there is no rain, just the wetness. The roads are wet or damp. The trees look damp. The sky is dull. When the sun shines, it is hot again, and highlights the dampness all around. And, there is no wind. No cool or even warm summer breeze. There is no movement, just damp vegetation and walls and roads and an after-taste of rain that has been. The weather is cooler than it was, definitely, but uncomfortable somehow.

I don’t know if it is just me, but this kind of weather really really gets me down. Oh – and, please remember this: you want to get depressed real good, you have to be alone or relatively alone a            nd preferably with a lot of work . If you are a party animal that spends its days and nights in air  conditioned comfort you are not likely to feel anything but a hangover maybe. Not being judgemental here. Not being able to feel depressed through the weather is probably not one of the finer points of being a good human being or even a bad one. You are not any less because you do not allow the weather to bother you.

However, I would personally feel secure knowing that you are aware that there is a weather out there that changes now and then. Why? Because I would feel that my world is real, at least as real as yours is. That stamp of approval is necessary for me these days. This is not an answer to an examination question, and I am not going to elaborate. This post is just an extended twit. Largely meaningless but for the person that wrote it and some kindred souls that my find it.

I have to see whether I really use this post as a diary.